an older child does not make for less work on the part of a parent.
Older children, even those who may have acquired family skills prior
to adoption, have to relearn those skills in the new context of their
adoptive family. Attachment is not transferable from one adult to another
automatically. Attachment needs attention and nurturing in order to
grow. It requires a commitment by both parent and child.
child with a complex background is immune to bribery, scare tactics,
pressure, or demands to attach. Many parents report that when their
child gets angry and stubborn, the child yells, "You can take everything
away from me; I don't care." And the truth is, the child doesn't
care, because what was really valuable - a safe secure home - was taken
away and nothing else really matters. Therefore a parent can only entice
a child to enter into a relationship.
fun together is the best and perhaps the only enticement to which an
internationally adopted child will respond. Along with fun, the parent
must help the child manage his own emotional and physiological responses
so the child feels safely in control. Eye contact and play are highly
stimulating, so it is imperative that parents have soothing and calming
strategies in hand to help modify a child's excitement.
Patty Cogen, Ed.D.
An abstract from the new online class PC-1 "The
First Year Home",
Unit 8. Understanding and building attachment,
Section: Having fun together - releasing the feel-good chemicals for
both of you.
Parenting: Exercising With Your Child!
So how do we do that? How can we exercise with our child
so it is beneficial to not only me but also for my child? Well, in our
society we have many opportunities to have quality time with our children,
but sadly many parents just don't do it.
Boris Gindis, Ph.D.
to Promote Healthy Development
The most important task in the first weeks and months
of adoption is to strengthen attachment with your internationally adopted
child. Playing and taking care of the childs basic needs (feeding,
bathing, etc.) will constitute your major occupation at this time.
Education Games For Youngsters,
Educational games for kids are actually everywhere. They vary from real-life
board games to without charge Internet games. They may also be effortlessly
ordered or accessed. Malls have toy sections where you will discover
tons of games. Whilst not all of them will be educational, games like
scrabble and chess are not likely difficult to find. Popular websites
like Facebook and Yahoo offer a section of games, the vast majority
of that happen to be child-friendly.
Grandparents have long been victims of family breakup, contact
has been stopped with their grandchildren and they are often never considered
in the decisions made by parents.
Smart Parent's Way To Handle Children And Divorce
For parents who survive mean-spirited, angry, ugly divorces;
an ex-spouse can "win" by alienating their children. We all
know of the obvious ways this can be done - outright lying, magnifying
the alienated spouse's faults and minimizing their attributes.
The courts sometimes encourage such behavior by giving the child
'permission' to stay away from that spouse if he/she simply doesn't
want to see the parent. For some parents, the pain involved with children
and divorce is immense.
Luckily, with children, the initial anger often does melt into acceptance,
but only if you are there to receive it. If you are angry and pouting
yourself, you might miss the opportunity to change your relationship
with your child.
More articles on
Activities With Children are available
from the International Adoption Articles Directory