Working on the
relationship with your child
assume the concept of family is positive and forever. Adopting a child
who has had a limited experience with family is an opportunity to model
what a constant, healthy, safe and nurturing family life can look like.
Adopting a child with a history of dysfunctional family is adopting
the task of introducing them and teaching them about family life: how
to trust, how to show and receive affection; how to communicate and
handle conflict; the importance of reciprocity and considering others,
working together, relying on each other, the constancy of family. You
will not be teaching them about just any family, you will be teaching
them about yours. Post adoption you will also be developing a new family
style, one that includes and incorporates them. It takes time to accomplish
that, integrate your individual histories, and develop a mutual history
It is true, some orphanages
are horrible places. But some aren't and, keep in mind the fact that
for many, it may be all they have ever known. Or, the orphanage may
be a haven compared to what they lived with before. Add to that the
reality that no one is really asking them, "How do you feel about
this?" so they may not even consider it unusual.
From your frame of
reference, you may not be able to imagine what it would be like to live
in an orphanage. Many believe they are rescuing their child from terrible
circumstances. That may be so. But some children may be quite happy
in their orphanage and have close friends, caring teachers and a comfortable
and predictable life. That means leaving will trigger some grief and
loss, maybe even profound. Don't take it personally. Be glad that your
child was connected enough and cared for enough to miss things and people
that were an integral part of their lives before you. It is important
not to underestimate the reality and presence of relationships and influences
that you were not a part of.
From the Bgcenter
Online School Course JSBG2 (Coming
older children internationally:
making a decision and coping with
You Show Your Love To Your Child?
are all about show. As a parent you know this. We have to demonstrate
and lead our children by the hand through every lesson--both big and
small. So why do we so often think it is enough to simply tell our children
that we love them? It isn't enough. Love is the biggest show-and-tell
of them all and you need to make it a part of your every day life.
refers to enduring traits of a persons approach to the world.
These dimensions are found in all children across cultures. A childs
temperament is a core element of the childs personality. Since
it is unchangeable, understanding temperament is essential to knowing
how to approach your child. What may appear to be a problem may actually
be a mismatch between your temperament and that of your child.